- ladyjanew, "Parody of Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Blues"
I hear the pizza delivery guy coming.
He’s coming around the bend.
And I haven’t seen my toes since, God knows when.
I’m stuck in Fatso Prison, and time keeps dragging on.
But thin people keep movin’, and I weigh more than San Antoine.
When I was just a baby, my mommy said
“Being fat is hard.
Always eat your veggies and not a brick of lard.”
But I ate a can of Crisco just to make her sigh.
Now when I see thin people jogging, I hang my head and cry.
Oh, I bet there’s thin folks eating
tofu and salad.
And I bet they’re not singing
this retarded ballad.
But I know I had it coming.
I know I can’t be thin.
But thin people don’t have to diet
and I just can’t win.
Well if they freed me from Fatso Prison
If a thin body was mine
I’d bet I’d finally cross the race’s finish line.
Far from Fatso Prison.
That’s where I want to be.
And those sanctimonious thin people
would never again bother me.